7th grade. The boys surrounding me were in their horniest moods, all the time. Didn’t know if it was the same with every guy. At least, my friends were. Okay, ME included. (We were just going through puberty and these things happen. Just another part of growing up. The hormones couldn’t have been controlled.)The guys tried to understand ‘sex’ at its full flow. Learning every aspect of it. Front benchers started accompanying the last. Barter was learnt meticulously. It began with home work for books like ‘Sex: A man’s guide’. Geometry was thrown away to make place for Sex Stories. Chemistry became nothing more about chemicals. It was rather looked at from the ‘bed’ point of view. Chemistry in bed, I mean. The sizes and angles in the subject Algebra became of lesser significance to the sizes of some alphabets of the subject name. So on and so forth.
Rummage through your desks. You’ll know what I am talking about. I’m not sure; but, you may end up finding at least newspaper cut-outs (“of?”, you know who), some magazine (if you know what I mean), some story book (if you know what I really mean), etc.
Gathering information on it from everywhere possible, guys tried to make significant advances in the understanding of it. Friends from school, friends from locality, girls from school, school’s initiative on sex education, books, etc. From anywhere and everywhere, the knowledge just needed a push, a flow. The relationship between sex and maturing got further elucidated at this age. Shepherded by these thoughts, I felt the need of becoming a ‘porn star’.
True, that was my first ambition ever. (Of course, apart from the parents-imposed idea of making me an Engineer or a Doctor).
I had a theory in school – The most knowledgeable is the horniest of ‘em all.
I was so fascinated by it, that I decided to be one. The problem – I thought, would Mom & Dad accept it? Are they so open-minded about these things? Do they even know about the porn industry? I answered my mind by saying, ”I’ll convince them”.
Do you really think? I didn’t even give it a try.
Enter Cable TV.
The sudden incoming of Cable TV led to the 2nd ambition of my life.
I started getting so distracted by it. I didn’t have to move my ass anywhere to watch the newly-released movies. Cartoons became a major part of my daily life. And so did the Detective serials and many others which I don’t have a vivid recollection of. Talking about movies, again, I tried to enact scenes looking at the mirror. I analysed. I sucked (only) at romantic scenes. I can wholly relate to it, as I suck at it in real life as well.
Nevertheless, ‘acting’, slowly, but steadily, started becoming the front-runner as an ambition. At that time, as a matter of fact, I had just one. I still don’t remember visibly what stopped me to think in the lines of being an actor. But, I remember convincing myself not to be one as I felt no heroine would be ready to act with me. (I, innocently, imagined dancing around the trees with Madhuri Dixit). My appearance, it came in the way of producing one of the best actors (Dancer. Full package, in fact) our country has ever produced.
Enter studies. (Kicked away life.)
Coming from a Tam-Bram family, I was always expected to be on top (always) with my studies. I was (Usually, on my building terrace). Only till my 7th grade. But, I think, everyone is, till that age. Luckily, my school had a Junior College as well, and getting admission in it wasn’t a tough task. I got through. Just in the college.
11th Grade Semester Exams
Maths – Some super marks / 100
English – Some super marks / 100
Hindi – Shit marks / 100
Marathi – Super shit / 100
Physics – Something shitty / 100
Chemistry – Something shitty / 100
Biology – Something shittier / 100
Didn’t get through my exams. FAILED MISERABLY. No feeling of remorse though. Alongside, if not studies, I had one thing running constantly. Soccer. Almost was close to being my favourite subject.
Ambition no. 3 was on its way. I decided to be a ‘footballer’. I sucked at it. Although, I feel, I was a very quick learner. At least I learnt to kick the ball responsively. I was selected in the college team. In point of fact, they managed to find exactly the number of players required in one team.
Match day: Devotedly, I kissed the touch line and entered the ground. It was raining heavily in Priyadarshini Park. Ball control was tough. Regardless of the bad weather condition. I was so jittery; I almost took a leak in my shorts. I clearly remember myself in the match, doing nothing. But, I was proud of myself. I started drifting into something which I wasn’t too good at. Eventually, I was.
Going back to start of this ambition section. It read, “Coming from a Tam-Bram family…”. I was left with not much other than studying. The ambition never died. It still hasn’t.
Sing-a-song
Please excuse the order of my ‘ambition write-up’. I couldn’t have included this fraction anywhere in between because I would have had to split this in several parts and pen it down. Which, obviously, wouldn’t have looked good.
In between all these stages of my life (on & off), there was always a point involved where I tensed my vocal chords in different forms – Classical, Pop, Rock and Soft Rock.
Starting off from my 6th grade, I continued my singing lessons for almost a year. The ‘Sa, Re, Ga and Mas, and the Pas’ kept rolling out of my mouth like… how they should. One after the other! Mom, usually, joined me in my singing fiasco. She, till date, feels that I can clear only the First Round of Indian Idol. She feels Annu Malik won’t like me post that. The reason she gives – I don’t dress too well.
Making a strenuous effort through life, I entered graduation. My major influence in music at that point was Rock. My gang, which planned systematically to become a band, practiced hard(ly) like trillion others in this country to form one. I was the lead vocalist. Things turned around. However, not the way we wanted it to. No drummer, no rhythm guitarist, no bass, no lead, no vocalist. But, excuses galore. We kept on excusing ourselves through things in the formation of what we thought would be a decent enough contribution to India’s rock scene. The dream to form a band broke even before we started.
By the way, starting a band may sound pretty straightforward, but it can actually be one of the most frustrating parts for many people. If you don't go about setting up your band right, you'll be caught in an endless cycle of trying.
Regardless of all of it, I kept singing. I still do. In the loo, in the bathroom, with friends, jam sessions, places where I should be singing, where I shouldn’t, buses, trains, cars, bikes, when drunk, when not, with someone along, for my girl friends, for their girl friends, and here and there, and everywhere. I sing, not because I’m good, because I love to.
My ambition to become one will never end – ‘A singer’.
Chemistry – Something shitty / 100
Biology – Something shittier / 100
Didn’t get through my exams. FAILED MISERABLY. No feeling of remorse though. Alongside, if not studies, I had one thing running constantly. Soccer. Almost was close to being my favourite subject.
Ambition no. 3 was on its way. I decided to be a ‘footballer’. I sucked at it. Although, I feel, I was a very quick learner. At least I learnt to kick the ball responsively. I was selected in the college team. In point of fact, they managed to find exactly the number of players required in one team.
Match day: Devotedly, I kissed the touch line and entered the ground. It was raining heavily in Priyadarshini Park. Ball control was tough. Regardless of the bad weather condition. I was so jittery; I almost took a leak in my shorts. I clearly remember myself in the match, doing nothing. But, I was proud of myself. I started drifting into something which I wasn’t too good at. Eventually, I was.
Going back to start of this ambition section. It read, “Coming from a Tam-Bram family…”. I was left with not much other than studying. The ambition never died. It still hasn’t.
Sing-a-song
Please excuse the order of my ‘ambition write-up’. I couldn’t have included this fraction anywhere in between because I would have had to split this in several parts and pen it down. Which, obviously, wouldn’t have looked good.
In between all these stages of my life (on & off), there was always a point involved where I tensed my vocal chords in different forms – Classical, Pop, Rock and Soft Rock.
Starting off from my 6th grade, I continued my singing lessons for almost a year. The ‘Sa, Re, Ga and Mas, and the Pas’ kept rolling out of my mouth like… how they should. One after the other! Mom, usually, joined me in my singing fiasco. She, till date, feels that I can clear only the First Round of Indian Idol. She feels Annu Malik won’t like me post that. The reason she gives – I don’t dress too well.
Making a strenuous effort through life, I entered graduation. My major influence in music at that point was Rock. My gang, which planned systematically to become a band, practiced hard(ly) like trillion others in this country to form one. I was the lead vocalist. Things turned around. However, not the way we wanted it to. No drummer, no rhythm guitarist, no bass, no lead, no vocalist. But, excuses galore. We kept on excusing ourselves through things in the formation of what we thought would be a decent enough contribution to India’s rock scene. The dream to form a band broke even before we started.
By the way, starting a band may sound pretty straightforward, but it can actually be one of the most frustrating parts for many people. If you don't go about setting up your band right, you'll be caught in an endless cycle of trying.
Regardless of all of it, I kept singing. I still do. In the loo, in the bathroom, with friends, jam sessions, places where I should be singing, where I shouldn’t, buses, trains, cars, bikes, when drunk, when not, with someone along, for my girl friends, for their girl friends, and here and there, and everywhere. I sing, not because I’m good, because I love to.
My ambition to become one will never end – ‘A singer’.
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