Marriage | Marr-age

English and Hindi are correlated. Check out the title of this post. It says it all.

It’s the age to die.

I’m 30, and I’m unmarried. Undying, I mean.

Big shit, I feel!

And, a few more unmarried friends feel the same.

And many more unknown and unmarried people, I’m sure, feel it.

I tried picking this topic in a family get together. Just to see their reactions.

Wooohhhoooo!!! I got it bang on.

I was assured of this subject running throughout the length of the dinner. My cousins (younger to me) are either married, or have guys / girls who they know they’re going to get married to. They try convincing me to get married. At times, they do. It’s just funny. Sadistic idiots, aren't they?!?! Just because they are stuck. He he...

Marriage, I’m not too sure, if it is funny. I’m not married to say that.

Although, I’ve heard friends talking good about it.

Either they are lying, or they’ve convinced themselves that it’s a good thing.

And, I’ve heard friends talking shit about it.

I feel, they’re being honest.

I believe the latter.

I didn’t even have to convince myself to believe that it’s shit.

It came naturally to me.

That’s a major reason why I don’t even like attending weddings.

It’s a bonding of two souls, they say.

Firstly, is a knot really necessary for the bonding of the two souls?

Saala, mera joote ka sole on the bum of whoever said it first.

Is an expensive ring really needed?

An expensive ring worn ONLY on the “ring finger”.

Science has it that, there’s some connection between an artery in that finger and the heart. Can’t argue with that. Science is a way of dealing with the world around us. But, science does not ask you get married! Just because you have that nerve running right from that finger to your heart, that is. It might be the ‘science of sex’ that pulls them in, I think. Quite a possibility, if you come to look at it.

You pay for a grand celebration.

You pay for the food that people usually waste.

One plate = Rs. 300 (minimum). Go to a Chinese thela. The total bill will come up to Rs. 300. For 4 of you. 75 bucks / head.

And moreover, they sit and gossip that it wasn’t good.

That too, they chitchat about it in the same hall that you’re getting married in.

Can’t they go home and talk, at least? Vodafone has cheap call rates.

You pay on people who couldn’t care less about you.

There are new faces to smile to.

And then, there are these unwanted faces to smile to.

Effectively, it’s a marriage between two families. And hundreds others who partake in THAT celebration. Is EVERYONE so fucking happy that you both are getting married? Kuch bhi kya!!!

So, getting back to where I started. Marriage | Marr-age. Like, why?

Whoever came up with this concept, man. I’m pretty sure, he / she is sitting up there and laughing at the ones who are married now. Not to overlook that wicked smirk on his / her face.

Hey, I’m laughing along here with you.

Reasons one might want to get married:

- A secured life (for girls)

- A sex-cured life (for guys)

- I need to know what pornography is (for girls)

- I’m bored of watching pornography. It is humiliating and debasing (for guys)

- Mental bliss (for girls)

- Mental bliss is her blouse. Coming off (for guys)

- It is the right time to get married (for guys and girls)

- I have a big house, and I live alone. I need someone (for guys)

- He has a big house, and he lives alone. He must be wanting someone (for girls)

- I always wanted to start a family (for guys and girls)

- My parents forced me to (for guys and girls)

- Mein zindagi bhar apne maa-baap par bojh nahi banna chahti (for girls)

- I want to prove to my parents that I’m also a responsible chap (for guys)

- I just want to TRY marriage (for guys and girls)

- I’ve dreamt of my kid being an Actor (for guys and girls)

- It makes me more attractive (for guys and girls)

- I love bachelor parties (for guys)

- I love spinster parties (for girls)

- I can’t just avoid it. I’m a grown man now (for guys)

- I want to see my boyfriend as a husband, too (for girls)

- “Marriage” is a strong reason why I want to get married (for guys and girls)

- I want a “happily-ever-after”. It’s possible only after a marriage (for girls)

- I want a “happily-ever-after”. It’s possible only after a marriage (for guys)

I could have written 'for guys and girls' in the same bracket. But hey... C’mon... There are such guys.

And, many other reasons that can be listed down. Getting bored now.

Anyhow, this constitution shouldn’t be enforced onto any living person.

As if, dead people get married. Actually, don’t be surprised if that happens. Really!

So, if you ask me, marriage has always been an option, not an obligation. I’ll do it, if I really feel it. As of now, I don’t.

I. Just. Don’t.

The sign off

Happy married life, to the married ones.